


You may be gone, but the memories aren't

by Space_Hawk



Series: Inktober 2020 [23]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, But I can only give him pain and suffering, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Gen, He deserves so much love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It's really just pure Zuko angst, Mother-Son Relationship, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Ursa (Avatar) was a Good Parent, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko (Avatar)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 07:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Hawk/pseuds/Space_Hawk
Summary: “Where is she?”“Dead.” His father’s icy words hit him and Zuko staggered back like he had been shot.No.No.Inktober Day 23: RIP
Relationships: Ursa & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Inktober 2020 [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1950592
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	You may be gone, but the memories aren't

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Implied child abuse, character death

“Zuko, please my love, listen to me. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done to protect you. Remember this Zuko. No matter how things seem to change, never forget who you are.” 

When he had woken up that morning, he thought it had been a dream. That his mother’s figure, dressed in black and obscured by shadows, had been a figment of his imagination. Those words, still ringing in his ears, had just been a nightmare conjured up by sleeping mind. 

As it turns out, that was only a memory. 

The real nightmare came later. 

“Where is she?” Zuko demanded. 

He had spent the morning frantically searching the grounds. Checking all the rooms and asking all the servants, but none of them had seen her. She had simply disappeared without a trace.

But she wouldn’t just leave. 

She wouldn’t leave him

His father, standing solemnly by the turtle duck pond, didn’t even turn to look at him.

“Where is she?” His words came out harsher this time. Angrier. But he didn’t care. 

He didn’t care that his father would normally reward such a tone with a slap. Or that past Fire Lords had jailed people for less (and if Azula’s words were to be believed, their father would be the new Fire Lord). But he didn’t care about any of it.

His mother was gone and he needed to know where.

“Dead.” His father’s icy words hit him and Zuko staggered back like he had been shot. 

No. 

_No._

The world began to spin and his legs gave out, body crashing to the ground. The grass clutched between his fists smoldered, but he barely noticed as tears threatened to spill over.

His mother was dead, never to be seen again. She had _left_ him. 

But how? Just yesterday she had been at this very pond, singing as she fed the turtle ducks. She had been so happy and full of life. How could she be dead? 

The next few days passed in a haze, almost as if he were sleepwalking. Guards and servants bustled him around from event to event. With the death of the Fire Lord and his father’s upcoming coronation, there were many events that the new crown prince was expected to attend.

Except Zuko wasn’t really at any of those events. At least not in the way that mattered. He was just…

Drifting.

Lost at sea without the steady and ever constant presence of his mother.

He just felt so alone.

What made it worse was that no one even acknowledged her death. 

There were elaborate funerary rituals and heartfelt words of condolences for his grandfather, but nothing for his mother. 

He thought he had heard her name once, quietly whispered by servants in the hall, but they stopped, unspoken words lingering, when they caught sight of him. He tried to ask about her, but only received uneasy glances and silence.

It was like she never even existed.

The coronation came and went. A big, lavish ceremony to commemorate the life of his grandfather and celebrate the crowing of his father. 

There was no mention of his mother. 

But that was only the beginning of the nightmare. 

Looking back, he never realized how much his mother must’ve done to restrain his father. To keep his biting words and burning hands away from him. Or perhaps the power that came with being Fire Lord just amplified the anger and the disappointment that already existed in there. 

Either way, it got worse. 

Zuko struggled. He fell further and further behind in his lessons, always being compared to Azula. His punishments came more frequently, each one harsher than the last.

“Never forget who you are.”

Those words stayed with him. As his memory of her faded. Her face, her hair, her smile, even her voice. They all began to fade as time passed.

But those five words still stayed. That, and the memory of her love.

And that was enough. It helped him keep going. 

It helped him in the palace, late at night, when he was alone in his room. When his father’s harsh words and Azula’s taunting laugh echoed in his ears. 

Disappointment.

Failure.

_Weak._

It helped him on the _Wani_ , body shaking with exhaustion and bandaged face throbbing as scoured ancient maps, desperate for something, anything, that could help him return home. 

It helped him in the Earth Kingdom, when he felt more lost and confused than he ever had and Uncle was the only thing holding him together. When he saw how their nation had ravaged the rest of the world, leaving them war-weary and afraid.

It helped him on the Day of Black Sun, when he turned his back on his father and his nation. When he finally realized how wrong he had been. And that it was time to do what was right. To end the war and his family’s decades long reign of terror. To bring balance to the world and help it heal.

Through all the dark times, the memory of those words and his mother’s love had helped him survive.

But, standing outside a small house in the town of Hira’a, he wasn’t sure it would help him now.

Information about his mother’s death had always been limited, discussed in hushed tones where people thought they wouldn’t be overheard. For a while, Zuko had just accepted it. That this was the way things were. But not anymore. He needed to know what had happened to her. He needed that closure. And there was only one person alive who had that kind of information.

“What happened to her?” 

The man huddled against the back wall of his cell gave a short bark of laughter, greasy hair hanging in his pale and sunken face. A couple months in prison had not been kind to his father.

“How the fuck would I know?” He snarled, baring yellow teeth. “That bitch fled after she killed the Fire Lord. Probably dead in a ditch somewhere. And all to protect you.” Scorn filled his father’s voice, but Zuko ignored it. 

There was a chance. Maybe she was still alive.

A part of him wondered why she never came back for him. Why she had left him there to suffer if she truly was still alive, but he pushed them aside. 

There was hope. She could still come back to him.

He searched for months. Dozens of villages and false leads took him all over the country until he finally ended up standing outside a small in Hira’a. 

Though this could be just another false lead, Zuko could feel that it wasn’t. It was as he could sense his mother’s presence. This was it.

Steeling himself, Zuko knocked on the door. A tall, middle aged man answered it. There was a sad expression on his face, as if he knew this day would come.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, tears in his eyes . “But you’re too late...She died two months ago.”

No.

_No._

Zuko’s world began to spin again as he crashed to his knees. He felt like he was ten years old again, hearing the news from his father for the first time. 

Except this time, it hurt more. 

Because this time, there had been hope. Hope that he could see her smile and hear her voice and experience the warmth of her embrace again, all feelings long forgotten to time. 

But now that hope had vanished.

She really was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I know that today's prompt is technically rip, as in like, tearing something and not RIP, as in death, but I wanted to write some Zuko angst, so it is what it is lol. My poor son deserves so much happiness, but I can only give him angst
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and as always, kudos and comments are appreciated :)


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